the Phallus

"Why his peepee so small?" my mom asked my sister as she was changing my nephew's diaper. "Maybe he should go see doctor."

"He's fine, Mom. It's normal," my sister quickly replied asking for the powder.

When I handed the powder over to my sister, I began to realize I never even considered anything wrong with the size. How would I know know? Besides, I never knew why something so ugly as the phallus could cause such a worry just by its size. Why did the phallus rule over so much of this country anyway? It is enough that they only sell weiners at ball games, many skyscrapers in the metropolitan areas resemble them, many of the famous historical sculptors reveal them as well as the paintings; but how can one chromosome make such a difference in the world against the other counterpart. Women make things happen too, damnit.

Let's revert back to the story of Adam and Eve. Eve got tantalized by a snake and then eventually Eve ate the apple that meant the fall of all men and their fate. So, where was the penis in this? Exactly--there wasn't. He was sitting there staring like a dumbfart trying to figure out why there was a snake talking to them. See Eve changed life forever. Okay, maybe that wasn't the greatest example. There are other prime examples--Harriet Tubman, Mother Theresa, Madeleine Albright, Rosa Parks....

I sit here sipping my hot tea and in my bitter existence, I resist my thoughts of him. My feelings and decisions will not be ruled by the phallus. I want to forget the fall, I want to forget his smile, and all of a sudden my phone rings.

"Hey Nanc, what you up to tonight? There's a party at Dan's--a pirate party. You should really stop by since he invited you too."

"Yeah, where do you want to meet?"

An unconventional 'hello'

Maybe on an estranged island where men fell in love with women who committed the biggest social suicides, this story would be considered romantic. But this is Cincinnati. A place where half the country thinks this city is filled with cows vs. others who live here and act as if it's New York City. I think Cincinnati is what you make of it. To me, it was a temporary harbor to garnish my future.

As I stepped inside the building of Cin-Mag, I felt my heart pace with anticipation. This was it--the beginning of everything. Five years from now, I will be on the cover of Forbes Magazine as the 'most successful web designer in the nation.' I looked at the colors on the wall and observed how modern everything looked. A foot from me stood a huge picture of all the employees. There must be at least a hundred. Then, someone caught my eye in the picture. A young-looking, tall, blonde hair with an incredible smile. I wonder if he still works here. I made my way to the elevator, when suddenly I felt the floor beneath me. When my vision returned, I noticed a camera began to turn itself towards me. I quickily stood up with an aching side and pushed the elevator button. Damnit, that hurt. The camera continued to follow me and then I heard a voice.

"Did you just fall?" a young man asks.

Dear God, why today. I turned but all of a sudden the wind was knocked out of me again. I couldn't believe such a beautiful man existed. His eyes were oceanic-blue; his hair golden and spiked; and his skin of caramel as it melted away my existence. He was pointing at me smiling. It was him from the picture. We stared at each other for a moment. His lips parted as if he was going to say something. I noticed he wasn't smiling anymore. Perhaps because I looked like a deer in headlights.

"What floor?" I asked running inside the elevator.

"You want to be on second," he replied pushing the button. Then he went to the corner and leaned his elbow on the wall while grinning at me.

Three hours later, as it seemed, the elevator door opened. I could feel my face still hot with a knot in my throat. I quickily walked toward the sleek, contemporary front desk.

"Melissa is waiting for you," the old lady said with a big smile.

"Thank you," I replied noticing the screen that was filming the front entrance. She must have seen me fall on my ass. I shook off what happened and reverted my attention to the clock. 8:30am. Right on time. As I waited by the visitors' chairs, I began to recall his great smile. I should have at least said 'hello.'

The mission

As I sit here at my desk at work, I find myself wondering how would he be in bed. A man of his stature, charm, money, and success as he struts across my cubicle giving me his undeserving acknowledgement. I did wear a colorful sweater today. He even said my name outloud where everyone in the hallway could hear it. I wonder if he would say my name outloud in bed.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm a 22 year old, currently trying to rise to the top at a local magazine firm; all while trying to figure out where I stand in this world. I have always been goal-oriented, always with a mission. However, there is one part of my life that always got me distracted. This all started one day in first period of sophomore year in high school when my friend said something that changed everything.

"I want to have sex," Layla said blatantly passing me the Algebra test.

"I want my Mrs," Sara whispered to us while drooling through her braces.

They both turned to me waiting for my response. I just stared in disbelief. It's not as if I was a complete prude. I've had my crushes, some that returned their favor while others never crossed my line in lunch. Mostly, I tried to ignore boys. Maybe it was because of my past failed relationships.

In fourth grade, my first relationship was a blue-eyed boy named Duke. In art class, he decided to draw two fish kissing each other. I really liked it, and plus I really liked him. When he told me that the orange one was me and that he was the blue,I argued to be the blue fish. However, he wouldn't comply and that was the end of that relationship. In eighth grade, I somehow gained 10 lbs. on my chest and suddenly I was getting attention from many. One guy told me I was really pretty and that we should go to the movies. We did and when he tried to kiss me, I ran away being disgusted by the thought of sharing saliva in a dark room. Throughout my four years in high school, I had my eyes on one guy and one guy only. He was president of our class almost every year, nominated for prom king, and a smile that literally made my brain stop functioning. I was always in his shadow, never able to get around to catch his attention. On my graduation night, I tried to tell him 'good luck,' but instead I sat in the corner watching him make-out with another girl.

College didn't get any better as far as advancing my romance. For a period of time, I had thought I was a full-fledged lesbian. I joined the feminist group in college and tried to convince myself that men could be irradicated from the world. While I was studying to be the next best feminist leader, I would hear banging of the headboard against my wall from my roomate and her boyfriend every night. I guess you could say I was a little jealous, but I usually filled that emptiness up with either school or trying to learn how to please my girlfriend. Although I never really liked her, I had it lodged in my mind that she was everything I needed. Before my senior year, the relationship ended abruptly and I cried for days.

When I graduated college...I had an epiphany. Some women were just not meant to have relatinoships and I somehow fell in that category. I felt I was here for bigger and better things. To me, it was going to be my career.